Back to Square One...

A friend once recited an old saying “By the time you make ends meet.... they move the ends”. At that time I asked him ‘what the hell is that supposed to mean?’. Today after 4 years I finally got it! Has it ever happened to you that something you work towards so hard, escapes you at the last minute. Have your timelines ever stretched just when you were about to reach your goal. When the feeling of disappointment and fear of uncertainty both arise in your soul at the same time, where do you look? Do we turn to rationale saying it’s for the better, or do we turn to hope to keep us going against the uncertainty. When do we start to get ok with delays in our lives and our loves.
We all tend to plan our lives as much as we can, our careers, when we plan to get married, earn X amount of money by what age etc etc. But what happens when something that’s so on track suddenly gets thrown off track. When we lose all our money in the stock market, when we end a loving relationship for practical reasons, when we get fired without notice. What happens when you get back to square one?
I have always dreaded starting all over, but I’m also very stubborn. So how do we know when it is ok to give up. Who draws the line between persistence, hope and insane obsession. They say the world runs on hope. Does it really? Do we tend to rely a little too much on it? Disguising our denial as hope? At times I dunno where hope ends and fear of letting go begins. All I know is that if there was no hope, I would have probably been a cynical, bitter woman who does not believe in love and trusts no one. Thankfully for me the ray of hope has always seen me through. It takes times but I get there......sooner or later.